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Monday, 24 June 2013

My School Report 2013

With it being that time of year, my thoughts are consumed with writing reports, so naturally I came up with this...


End of Year Report for: Louise West

Louise has had an eventful and successful year, though she really should try to concentrate on the task in hand and not procrastinate or flit off to the next shiny thing. Her behaviour is good, if not always predictable, and she should aim to behave herself when in public.

Literacy: Louise spends far too much time reading, and should really pull her head out of trashy horror novels and join in with the world a bit more. Her writing shows promise, and evidence of a warped imagination, but she should aim to make her handwriting legible to others, rather than the indecipherable scrawl of incorrectly-formed letters she demonstrates at the moment.

Numeracy: Louise is excellent at calculating and solving logic problems, although she doesn’t always go for the obvious or most logical solution. Her aversion to certain numbers does make for an interesting time whenever the volume on the whiteboard is adjusted. She has a good knowledge of measures, especially pints, though she is not so aware of time. Often, she will forget what day it is completely, and 10pm on a Sunday night appears to take her completely by surprise.

Science: Louise has an enquiring mind, and loves to ask questions. She is tenacious in finding the answers, and likes to experiment with variables. This has resulted in some extraordinary outcomes. She likes to take things apart to find out how they work, which isn’t always a suitable method as she gets bored before she can put them back together again.

ICT: Louise has mastered word-processing, sending emails, and using appropriate search terms to find information on the internet. She works to a tolerable standard when using design software and always stays safe in chat rooms.

History: Louise’s natural inquisitiveness means she enjoys poking around in other people’s lives, and the lives of those in the past are no exception. She has to be watched carefully on visits to historical buildings, as she has a tendency to touch things. Or sniff them.

Geography: Louise has no sense of where places are unless she has visited them, and measures distances in how long it takes her to get there. She is good at reading maps but will usually navigate by landmarks. Often, these landmarks are pubs.

RE: Louise says she isn’t sure she believes in God, but she thinks the universe has a plan. Her opinions on reincarnation and the afterlife are thought-provoking and often cause debate. Despite all reasonable arguments, Louise clings to superstitions and “gut-feelings” when making decisions. It is fair to say that this approach has served her well so far.

Design Technology: Louise loves to make pretty things and, so far this year, has knitted a hot water bottle cover and numerous scarves for dogs, made jewellery, bunting, dragon costumes (again for dogs) cushion covers, cupcakes, soup, smoothies and cocktails of her own design. She may have a talent, but in what, it is difficult to tell as she gets bored and moves onto something else once she has satisfied her desire to see if she can do it.

Art: Louise enjoys art, but is not very good at it. She complains that the pictures she has drawn are nowhere near as good as the ones in her head. She hates clay and will not touch it.

PE: Louise “doesn’t do PE”, insisting that she was built for comfort, not for speed. She does enjoy watching rugby.

Music: Louise has a good ear, and a remarkable but useless ability to memorise song lyrics. Her attempts at repeating them are best confined to small, enclosed spaces with good acoustics and no audience. I suggest the shower or her car.

What do you think your school report would say? Comments welcome!

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